Never Let Me Go
by confessorlove
Summary: Spoilers for 5x13, the Season Finale. Sometimes you have to know when to stop running. For Rachel Turner she never thought that time would come. However, with Neal Caffrey in her life, the unexpected is always only a step or two away. Love was always weakness. She never would have guessed it would be a reason to stay.


The wind whipped her hair across her face, but Rachel paid it no mind. Neal was stubborn. She'd always known that about him and she doubted it was a fact that would ever change. He had to give her the diamond. After so long and everything she had done, it was time for it to be over. It was time for her out. They were two sides of the same coin. He may not have done things her way, but there was no denying they were the same. She should have seen it coming. She should have expected something like this, but she'd become blind to his tricks. Love made you weak. That was drilled into her head for a long time. Attachment was vulnerability. She thought she could trust him yet over and over he proved her wrong. She couldn't fall for it, not anymore. It didn't matter how wonderful a castle in Croatia sounded.

"You just killed your best friend," Rachel spat out as her finger tapped on the side of the sleek gun in her hands. Even in the wind she kept the gun level and aimed at Neal's heart. There had been a time she thought it belonged to her, but oh how wrong she'd been.

"No, Mozzie's recovering as we speak," Neal retorted and she knew he was being honest. Even though she underestimated how long it would take them to save him, she knew they would. Hurting Mozzie would only hurt Neal. Even if she wanted to, Rachel couldn't stomach that. In that split second the helicopter shifted and her gaze followed it as it moved away.

"Looks like he's out of the woods," Neal continued after a moment as his gaze shifted to also track the helicopter across the sky. "Oh…and you're in the weeds."

Instantly she reached for her radio and brought it to her mouth. Already Rachel's anger was bubbling to the surface. First Neal and now this? How many betrayals could someone possibly face in a day? Her jaw clenched as she glared daggers at the retreating helicopter. "Where are you going?" Her voice was harsh as she snapped into the radio receiver. In her gut she knew, but she didn't want to believe it.

"He's gone and he's not coming back," Neal explained. She could hear it in his tone how he thought of her. She was foolish for not thinking this through. That was what he saw. She didn't know what hurt more, the fact that she had underestimated him or the fact that he was finally beginning to see her at the level she truly belonged on. "He must've heard it over the radio. Every law enforcement officer in New York is headed here right now."

That snapped her attention back to Neal. There was a kink in her plan, but she was smart. She was resourceful, and she knew that she could still get out of this. In the back of her mind there was a seed of doubt gnawing at her, but it was too easy to ignore. There had to be another way. There was always another way. She clicked her tongue against the inside of her teeth as she glanced around. The helicopter was fading in the distance and she knew it wouldn't be back. Again, she looked at Neal as the wheels turned in her mind. He was her way out.

Rachel stepped towards him as a plan began forming in her mind. "Fine," Rachel said as she grabbed his lapel and brought her gun to his temple. "Then I'll just trade you for the diamond." She didn't want to resort to this, but it was her only choice. Giving up wasn't an option for her. It never had been, even before she went underground failure was not possible. Nothing had changed. Rachel's eyes met Neal's as she kept the gun against his head. "You're going to get me out of here one way or another."

"Rebecca."

Hearing that name on his lips never failed to make her wish things were different. She always wished things between them had been more real. For her it was. For him…she betrayed him. That was not something easily forgiven.

Neal never broke their eye contact. She didn't know whether to love him or hate him for that. "You have to know when it's over," Neal continued and his words went right to her heart. She couldn't fail. She couldn't give up and yet deep down she was tired of this. This job, this life, it had cost her so much. It may have taught her about love and emotions. It may have showed her that vulnerability wasn't always a weakness, yet at the same time it broke her heart. "Sometimes you have to stop running."

Neal's words resonated deep in her soul. She'd been running for her whole life. She opened her mouth to speak but the words caught in her throat. For her whole life she'd been running. Rachel didn't know what it was like to stop_. I can't_, she wanted to say but the words wouldn't come. Instead her grip on the gun loosened as tears welled up in her eyes. She had fought for so long to keep strong yet he could crack her open and read her like a book. She was slipping, or maybe that wasn't it at all. Whatever the reason, Rachel knew he was the cause. His hand rose to grip her wrist and pull the gun away from his head and she let him. Her arm fell limply as her gaze flicked away from him.

In the distance she could hear the echo of sirens disturbing the serenity of the place they had found each other. It seemed almost sacrilegious to disrupt the peace and she knew they were coming for her. However, Rachel wasn't afraid. If there was one thing in the world that Rachel Turner was, it was dignified. She wouldn't cower away. She could accept whatever hand fate dealt her.

It was almost humorous. She had fought so long and hard against feeling a thing yet she fell for her own con. She loved him, for the first time in her life she truly loved someone. It was unexpected, but Neal wormed his way into her heart like the slippery conman he was. She couldn't shake him even if she wanted to. It didn't matter that there were people counting on her to get them that diamond. He was right. This was over. For the first time since she was a young child, Rachel Turner had to stop running. She glanced away and almost chuckled as her tongue slid against the back of her teeth. There were no options and she knew that, but that didn't stop her from wondering if there was a way out. There wasn't, at least there wasn't one that wouldn't end with the diamond in her hand.

She turned away from Neal and looked out over the water. It was peaceful, calm, and everything that she wasn't. Tears continued to well in her eyes and she shut them with a bitter sigh. Over and over Rachel played the scenarios over in her head. There were so few options and none of them were good. None of them could give her the happiness and freedom that she so desperately desired. None of them could give her Neal. He was what she wanted more than the diamond. If there hadn't been people pulling her strings, Rachel would have given up on this quest a long time ago. Unfortunately, things don't always work out the way that they need to. That was a harsh lesson in reality, but it was on that Rachel desperately had needed to learn.

The weight of the gun in her hand seemed so hold her down as she walked slowly towards the edge of the fort. No matter how hard she tried Rachel wouldn't let her tears fall. Until the bitter end she needed to be strong regardless of how weak she fell in that moment. It crushed her. How could one man have had such a profound impact on her life? That was something Rachel would never understand. Love made you do stupid things, but in her case perhaps it was the first smart choice she'd made in years.

Limply she tossed the gun into the water and waited for the splash. Her gaze followed it as it disappeared and for a moment she wondered how easy it would be to jump. She didn't know how deep the water was. She didn't know if there were jagged rocks. She didn't even know if she would survive it, but ending it all seemed less painful than the heartbreak she was faced with at the hands of the man she was never supposed to love.

With tear-filled eyes, Rachel glanced back over at Neal. He was watching her and in her heart she knew that he was worried. Even though the anger he felt towards her, she could still see the man who fell in love with Rebecca Lowe. It made her sick to realize he would probably never love Rachel Turner the same way. She walked towards him and sat on the raised brick arch beside him. Her hands braced against it as she looked out at the water. It would have been impossible not to feel his eyes on her and she couldn't allow herself to let him see her cry. It was her weakest point. She had made this choice for him. It wasn't for her. She could have tried to escape but she didn't. She couldn't keep running. Neal was right. It was time to make the right choice and take responsibility for her actions.

"It's beautiful here," Neal murmured softly and Rachel couldn't help but agree.

The sirens wailed louder and louder but Rachel tuned them out. Neal and the beauty of the place they were seemed to be her only focus. How long would it be until she saw the sun or the water again? How long would it be until the fresh air and cool breeze would whip through her hair? She was facing a future alone in a cage. What had Neal said? The world used to be his oyster and it had been much the same for her. Unfortunately, now she wouldn't even have two miles. The choices she had made got her to this point and now she had to face the music.

Rachel glanced over at him again and for a brief moment their eyes met. The corners of her lips curled up in a slight smile but there was not a hint of satisfaction in it. Rachel felt nothing but heartbreak and it reflected in her tear filled eyes. Her short hair was whipped across her face and she pushed it behind her ear as the sirens drew closer and closer still. For the first time in her life, Rachel let a tear fall. She let someone see her vulnerable. Love was her weakness that she fought so hard to keep hidden away, yet facing Neal now she couldn't lock it away. She couldn't be locked away without him knowing.

"It wasn't all a lie," Rachel said sincerely as she looked Neal right in the eyes. In that moment, she had never before felt so much like Rebecca. "I really do love you."

Neal nodded sadly as his hand rose to cup her cheek. His thumb brushed away the tear that had marred her flesh and she felt her heart jump into her throat. Tenderly his thumb brushed along her cheekbone as the sirens wailing almost deafened her. "I know."

Whatever Rachel had been expecting, this act of kindness was not it. Her eyes closed briefly but before they opened, she felt Neal's lips on hers. Instinctively her hand rose to lightly cup the back of his neck. Her fingers curled in the hair at the base of his skull. Emotions were poured into that kiss but it was soft, chaste, and practically over before it began. Neal pulled away then and Rachel didn't want to open her eyes. If she did the moment would be over. He would be gone.

Surprisingly however, Rachel felt Neal's hand come to rest atop hers on the stone arch. Her gaze flicked up to meet his and she had to swallow back the emotions that had threatened to overwhelm her. Neal's thumb traced along the fingers of her left hand as their matching blue eyes locked on each other. "Goodbye, Rebecca."

Even though her wings had been clipped, Rachel suddenly realized that she was truly free. If only he had been able to show her the way long ago. Maybe then things would have been different. Maybe life would have given them a different change. Even though there was no point in dwelling on the what ifs, it still gave Rachel peace of mind to realize that in another life they could have been.


End file.
